The Only Adult Single Child

Have you ever been to a big family get together and you end up at the kids table? Despite clearly being an adult. Despite younger married siblings sitting with the adults. Sometimes I feel like that is my current place in my family figuratively speaking. It is somewhat reminiscient of Pride and Prejudice, when Lydia runs away with Wickham, returns home and tells her oldest sister Jane that "Now I walk in front." (I'm gay just for knowing that.)

I guess I have been thinking about it this week since we drew names for the family gift giving. (Which is basically a system in place in my family where each of the nine siblings, and respective families, is assigned to give a gift to a particular sibling's family...so that you don't have to feel obligated to give something to all nine kids, their spouses, and their kids.) And as I was posting the assignments, I couldn't help but see the awkwardness in that I am surrounded on the list by married folk.

Same with the family newsletter, which is basically a blog that is updated every week with what is up with the Haws family. Andy, Jeff, Julie, and Stacie's families all have an individual section. And I am lumped in with the wee little chickities. I understand that this partly is my fault for being under the same roof currently with them. (Which is a whole other story that isn't fitting for a public blog.)

However, and this is a big "however", I am not sure how different this would be if I wasn't in the same house. Which brings me to my Sex and the City clip...

I may not have shoes being shamed, but it does feel like much of my life is shamed in the same way...

Now, I am not saying that I am banished from the family for my life choices...but I have been shelved in the kids' table so to speak. What would happen if I decided to take off and go to a friend or a boyfriend's house for Christmas? It would be uproar. What if I demanded my own little section for the family newsletter where I catalogued my weeks' activities? It probably would seem odd to the rest of the family and I would seem a bit self-centered. And what if I wanted a phone call every such and such date because that is when I made a life decision, that was not a child's birth or my anniversary, but I wanted my world to celebrate it with me? Yeah, it would be funny.

Furthermore, there are general assumptions made just because I am single. The family would suspect the worst if I didn't come home from work one night. It causes tension when I skip church. I get asked how I can possibly watch America's Next Top Model when it is apparently "shallow and materialistic". (I never hear the entertainment and recreation choices of married siblings and their spouses being critiqued.) And there is no interest in my past, present, or future relationships since they have not and will not result in a heterosexual marriage, from which new Haws chickities would be birthed. So yeah, it is a bit hard not to feel some shame in my life choices.

That is where I am at with my family. Of my nine siblings, I only expect two to accept any sort of romantic partner I have and I am still unsure where each of my parents will stand. Thus, even if I formally join the ranks of the married children, I will still be second-class. I doubt that my daily activities mean much to anyone other than Stacie and Mom. And in general, I am seeing that I eternally am bound to sitting at the kids table at Thanksgiving. (Figuratively speaking.)

And I am trying to decide whether I am okay with that, or if I am pissed off...