Now that it is September, we here in Wisconsin are moving into the various hunting seasons. It starts slowly, like some sort of NRA foreplay, and eventually climaxes in full-fledged deer hunting with guns in November. It isn't until mid to late September that we get legitimate effects of the hunting season...but like a bad cold, you can feel it starting to come on.
What hunting season means to me is the following:
- Wisconsinites start wearing camo and hunter orange around town. It becomes quite the fashion statement. You can wear camouflage to church if you really want to. Or take the wifey to a night out on the town bedecked in it. That's hot. And by that I mean, I want to beat a bit of self-respect into everyone I see in it. So f*cking tacky. Camo is solely for when you are in the act of hunting.
- Animals go freaking nuts. I won't even drive out of the city at night. Turkeys flying all over the place. Deer are running around all through the streets in desperation. And then you have hunters parking wherever they feel like. Last year a bunch of hunters parked right on Mann Road, which is rural road by my house with no space off to the sides for that nonsense. Absolute crazy sauce.
- I slowly start feeling like I live in a war zone. The hunting towers (pictured to the left) don't help, I keep expecting to go by one and have Sarah Palin pop out shrieking "Gotcha!" The general atmosphere makes me feel like sniper fire and land mines are a part of my daily life. Since we live next to the marsh you wake up some mornings to the sound of gun shots. I see twelve year olds with guns bigger than them. On a plus side, it fuels my belief that one day "they will come to burn the house down."
- With each passing year I become more and more a believer in gun control. These NRA bitches be crazy. The thought of some of these Wisconsin folks wandering the woods with guns makes me question an unbridled second amendment. Honest to goodness truth, a bunch of them drink beer and hunt...which should really be illegal. That's a Dick Cheney situation just waiting to happen.
1 comment:
Tell me about it! I work at Cabela's in western WI, and it's frakking insane. People have camo bed spreads, curtains, fishing poles, shoes, even freaking baby clothes. It's putrescent. And the amount of money people spend on their hunting accoutrement is unbelievable - literally thousands of dollars on the most unnecessary crap. They buy seeds (which turn into invasive mustard and brassica plants for the deer to feed on) and mineral supplements and salt licks and all sorts of ridiculousness to feed the deer just so they get bigger antler racks on the bucks so they'll have a more impressive deer corpse to glue to their wall of their hideously decorated living room.
Oh, and they're called "stands" not "hunting towers" btw. ;) It's really sad the amount of hunting jargon I've inadvertently learnt whilst working here.
Crazy sauce is right.
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