Where to Start?

Whenever I have an evening of introspection, I inevitably get to the point that is much akin to episodes of Hoarders. Whenever I watch that show I wonder, where do you even start? When you have a 3000 square foot house filled to the brim with clutter and nonsense, where do you begin? At a certain point, a mess is a mess, and it would be a lot easier to set fire to the thing and start new than to try to weed through the mass of nonsense. That is my life. Where do I start? The unsupportive family? The gay/identity/queer issues? The 25 years of religion that did little but belittle my soul? The failed romances? The alleged hallucinations?

At a certain point you have to wonder if it would be better to just go all Buddhist monk on this and torch myself? (Not literally, that is just unsanitary.) But seriously, I am just one dude. I don't know what to do. And I don't know anyone that actually knows what to do. This thing called my life is a mess. You know that self-conscious, embarrassed feeling you have when someone walks in your room and it is messy?.... imagine that with your life. I have monthly visits with a psychiatrist, and guess what? I lie like none other to that dude. Nice guy, but I can't tell him the truth. Why? Because I am afraid of a big, fat "condemned" sign over the door that will warn that this joint is safer demolished than left standing.

On a related note, I think it is time for Supermodel Documentary Hour. That always makes me feel better.