Happy Gay Pride

Friends, as I look around the world and every major city having a Gay Pride Parade, I am disappointed that out here in podunk Wisconsin we don't have anything like that. Not even a "Small Town Gay Bar". It is an unspeakable tragedy. I know a couple of closeted gay people in this town, but let's be honest, most of the homosexuals native to Marshfield have fled to Madison, Chicago, or the Twin Cities. I am just too cowboy romance for that I think. And so I think I am going to hold a one man Pride parade down Central Avenue in Marshfield. Seriously, it needs to happen. In the words of the great Sharon Needles "When in doubt, freak them out."

The festivities shall include:

1. Me rollerskating down Central Avenue in booty shorts, a rainbow flag for a cape, and nothing else. Maybe some face paint.

2. My drag alter ego Liza Woodcock will dance on tables at the creepiest looking bar in town "Elixir". Perhaps she'll lip-synch for her life to "Pull Up to the Bumper" by Grace Jones.

3. I will get a tattoo of Barbra Streisand on my chest.

4. Sex and the City marathon.

5. I will rant to all my coworkers about how "that's so gay" isn't something you say unless you are talking about my hot pink pumps paired with my sparkly toenails.

6. Miscellaneous make out sessions with anonymous gentlemen.

Marcus Bachmann is going to be so sad he missed this.
Marshfield Pride 2012 Ya'll!

I think I might get shot. The hillbillies aren't ready for this.