Pre-Birthday Age Crisis

A month from now, I turn 27. Which...I realize, is not that old. I am aware that I probably have at least a few good years left in me. However, this year I am having more of a realization than before that I am not a kid anymore. Something about the number 27 seems so much older than 26, and not just 365 days. Perhaps part of it is that I started catching myself considering people in their early 30s as my peers. Perhaps it's because I have friends from my own age with walking, talking half-grown children that are well into elementary school.

Whatever it is, something about turning 27 is hitting me more than ever before.

Observations as I approach the ole age of 27:

- I have a bit of a emotional crisis when I realize that here I am, with very few adult achievements, and other people my own age have so much to show for their 27 years. I have friends my same age who are married with a heap of kids. I know people who have been married twice, and they are younger than me still. People my age are well into good careers. It leaves me feeling particularly stagnant and underwhelmed with where I am at in life. It doesn't help being in a family where I am the only single adult child amongst the five adult children. And it doesn't help that I haven't even wanted to pursue what I am comparing myself to (ie. children, spouses, careers, etc).

- Sometimes it freaks me out when I think how long ago things were and I wasn't a kid when they happened. Like I was looking at pictures of me when I was at the beach my sophomore year of college. It was weird to think how many things hadn't happened in my life yet. Or I was thinking an argument I had with a gentleman man-friend a while back, and then I realized that argument "a while back" was 6+ years ago. It startles me. I feel weird explaining to my younger counterparts of this Earth that I remember when Michael Jackson was black. Or when people thought Bill Clinton was hot. Or when Madonna didn't have Gollum-arms.

- Lately I have been catching myself when I compare how I look to someone way younger than me. I am pretty appearance-conscious and judgmental of myself. And so when I see someone that is hot but it is probably only twenty years old, I have started reminding myself that I remember the year that person was born, hence I shouldn't compare how we look. Not that I have gray hair or (a lot) of wrinkles, but I am also starting to be aware that this ole body ain't what it used to be.

- The acceptable age of a male lover has started notching itself higher. I have never been one to be interested in younger gentlemen, but I am noticing the age range jump from 30, to 35, to 40 as acceptable. Who knows, maybe I just want to be cradle-robbed. And maybe it is because I find myself relating better to that age range now that I am more mature.

- I do tend to forget my actual age more often. When you are younger I guess you are overly aware of your specific age. You were 21. You were 18. Now, I am just late 20s-ish. It feels good. Just as long as I am not Methuselah-ish.