Sometimes we expect so much from people, that weight of disappointment can drown us. People never live up to our expectations, and it can be painful to realize that this yearning you expect from the outside is never going to happen. It is a tragic dance for the person that hopes someone will just say something, do something...on and on it can go.Over the past few weeks I have noticed a change in a friend. Something happened about a month ago, and things haven't been the same since. I am not sure what it was, but suddenly things were different. What started out as them having an "off day" has turned into them devolving into a snippy, childish person. For a while I thought it was me. I was saying the wrong thing. I wasn't peppy enough, I wasn't doing everything I could to make an optimal situation. Then today as I watched the person throw a tantrum over something utterly trivial, I finally connected that they were never going to be the person I "needed" them to be. The friend is, afterall, human.
But the moment of insight wasn't when I realized that they weren't everything I needed them to be, but the moment I realized I didn't need them to be anything other than what they are. And that realization let's me compartmentalize the situation a thousand times easier. This is the behavior of my friend, it is simply that, and it doesn't require me to be dragged into its gravity. It's more about me accepting that I am enough, just the way I am, without "fixing it". I am allowed to say "that's not my problem".
I think I am a bit of an emotional sponge. I sense and soak up tension like it is my job. And the complicated part of it is that I feel like I am supposed to do something to heal the situation. But the truth is that often there is a limit of what I can do. And realizing that allows me see the behavior of people, like the mentioned friend, and detach a bit from it. "Oh well" I thought as I walked to my car tonight. "Not my problem".
It was a liberating moment tonight of Bitch Grant, looking at the situation and thinking "Not my problem."
2 comments:
I think you make a really good point. When people choose to be jerks I think there are lots of factors and an individual person just happens to be the scapegoat for their anger. That scapegoat can't do anything right because the jerk refuses to see it and, as you point out, have control over themselves.
Agreed. There are some people that are just not ready to be happy, mature, pleasant, etc., and you can't afford to go around draining yourself trying to make them happy. This has happened to me recently and I've had to step back for a bit and give this person some time to realize she's being a brat. In the meantime, you've just gotta keep B.I.T.C.H.ing. (Thank you Lattrice!)
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