The first time I heard about Jocelyn Wildenstein, it was on an "E! Plastic Surgery Gone Wrong" special. The hour long show counted down plastic surgery flubs, which usually resulted because people didn't know when to stop. (Uhum... Heidi Montag) For Jocelyn Wildenstein, a nose job avalanched into a boob job which avalanched into being an unrecognizable person. And Ms. Wildenstein has had so many plastic surgeries that she makes Joan Rivers look natural. Most people don't become addicted to something like plastic surgery. But for a small segment of the population, it is a slippery slope to becoming nothing near what you set out to be.
I think if body modification could be switched out for self-help and personal development I would be twins with Ms. Wildenstein. I am a sucker for constantly feeling the need to improve little things about who I am as a person. Textbook neurotic perfectionism. I want to a better employee, I want to be more assertive, I want to be a better listener. The list goes on and on forever. I am constantly trying to nip and tuck aspects of who I am as a person, and in the end, I am not sure it helps me as much as I originally hoped. It isn't just that I am a flawed person, it is also that I am the kind of person that wants to please everyone, juggling my own perfectionism and other's expectations, and I end up being a psychological "Cat Lady".
I started pondering this around Lent this past spring. Mary J. Blige's "Just Fine" was the anthem of me not giving up anything for Lent. Sometimes I am not sure I am "just fine"...perhaps it is something along the lines of The Used's "if we cut out the bad, we'd have nothing left." Whatever the case, as I approach my 28th birthday and ponder what I want this next year to be about, I think that I am going to set Grace Jones' "I'm Not Perfect" as my anthem.
What is ironic is that my birthday is also the anniversary of my coming out. Next week it will be three years since I left the closet entirely. Coming out of the closet is essentially saying to the world "This is who I am deal. Deal with it." The funny thing about that kind of statement is that I don't offer it to myself. I look at who I am and expect myself to change and tweek this or that, rather than saying to myself "I am Grant. This is me. Deal with it."
So what do I want to do in my 28th year of life? Give up perfectionism and be more accepting of myself. The good, the bad, the light, the dark. It is all what makes me me, and I'm not perfect, but I'm perfect for Grant. "Do you hear me, Grant? You are imperfect. Deal with it."
I started pondering this around Lent this past spring. Mary J. Blige's "Just Fine" was the anthem of me not giving up anything for Lent. Sometimes I am not sure I am "just fine"...perhaps it is something along the lines of The Used's "if we cut out the bad, we'd have nothing left." Whatever the case, as I approach my 28th birthday and ponder what I want this next year to be about, I think that I am going to set Grace Jones' "I'm Not Perfect" as my anthem.
What is ironic is that my birthday is also the anniversary of my coming out. Next week it will be three years since I left the closet entirely. Coming out of the closet is essentially saying to the world "This is who I am deal. Deal with it." The funny thing about that kind of statement is that I don't offer it to myself. I look at who I am and expect myself to change and tweek this or that, rather than saying to myself "I am Grant. This is me. Deal with it."
So what do I want to do in my 28th year of life? Give up perfectionism and be more accepting of myself. The good, the bad, the light, the dark. It is all what makes me me, and I'm not perfect, but I'm perfect for Grant. "Do you hear me, Grant? You are imperfect. Deal with it."
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